Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in a Nutshell:

- Michael Gambon is finally getting good at playing Dumbledore. Pity he DIES in about two hours.
- Horace Slughorn and his squint have filled the Potions post at Hogwarts.
- Leaving Defense-Against-the-Dark-Arts to Snapeadoodle.
- Luna is still awesome.
- She can see wrackspurts. Harry has a lot of them.
- Malfoy spends most of the movie dressed like Bono minus the sunglasses. Because apparently a black cloak just isn't badass enough.
- Bonnie Wright takes acting lessons from Keanu Reeves.
- But Harry's got a thing for her anyway.
- Speaking of having a thing, Lupin and Tonks are a couple, now with even less setup and development than in the books, if that's even possible.
- Bellatrix Lestrange is aiming to be the wizarding world's Harley Quinn, and scares small children in the process.
- Ginny is going out with Dean Thomas, and Ron's going out with Lavender.
- Leaving Hermione and Harry to wangst together.
- Hermione practically gets molested by Cormac McLaggen at the Christmas party.
- Neville is a waiter at said Christmas party, complete with dorky outfit. Poor guy, at least he gets to show off his inner BAMF in Deathly Hallows.
- Lavender turns out to be a psycho clingy girlfriend in manner of Stacy from Wayne's World.
- Ron takes a love potion and then gets poisoned. Wait, what's the difference?
- He gets a gooshy moment with Hermione and breaks up with Lavender. However, being only half-conscious, he doesn't remember either.
- Unbreakable Vow is unbreakable. Thank you, Ron, for that crucial bit of info.
- Harry and Dumbledore go to get a Horcrux and find zombies.
- Malfoy tries to kill Dumbledore and just ends up crying like a little bitch.
- GASP. SNAPEADOODLE IS THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE. Oh, and he kills Dumbledore.
- Harry and the gang are off to find the horcruxes.
THE END.


I kid, of course. The movie was fantastic. But still.